Interesting how we can have so many "personalities". To my sorority sisters in Beta Sigma Phi land chapter, I am not a party girl. I don't participate in casino runs because I've seen first hand what gambling can do. I've had a plethora of life experiences and taken my fair share of chances in the interests of developing myself and "fun". I am now full circle back to the self expression/creative mode and lovin' it. Writing, creating "art" are my current favorite things to do. I am not interested in romping around in the bush for the noise and the mud of it just to prove I am. Likewise the bar scene although I do miss the music and being surrounded by creative ppl.. That I will never get over the loss of. I don't suffer with that loss. It just is.
So I'm here blabbering for the following reason. Today while shopping for a smallish stretched canvas I found some watercolour paper "yippie", some acrylic paint, a paint box.. oh and so many more supplies! But the thing that really "touched" me, can I just say, was the little box of willow charcoal. I have not seen it in decades. Have not held nor "heard" it in generations. Can that be? And when I did I felt a flood of memory. The ecstasy of that is something I will be long in expressing. Suffice it to say I am in my feather frond, j stroke j-ing, canoe slicing through flooded undergrowth, bird twittering, sun blazing, bug clicking happy place. My safe place. Next on my hit list of inspirational materials is conte. Satisfying brick-red/orange-brown, smooth shushing on the paper conte.
After having spent the last 24 hours in a state of utter disbelief resulting from an action which cut like a knife (girly girl sorority related) I am only too happy to leave that serious dig-in-and-shoot-the-boots attitude/personality at the "door".
Drawing my foot up to ridiculous heights and with intention leaning back and thrusting it straight out in front. Suspended, it hangs there for a moment. Easing it down over the threshold into creativity, in exaggerated excited tones I announce to the walls - my audience "hold on folks I'm goin' in"!
I am of the mind that there is nothing wrong with NOT spending your life partying and jumping from one thing to another. Sometimes the best moments in life are the ones where you can curl up on the couch for an afternoon reading or spend a day working on one project till its just right. Hang in there Cathy and know that you are not alone.
ReplyDeleteCathy, your post is truly inspirational. It proves that through the course of life we take different paths, what once suited us or made us happy may not always be so. To realise your passion, to realise what truly makes you happy and not to deny it, is feeding your greater self and acknowledging life in its truest form. Stay strong, you are a very gifted person who will have many more wonderful moments of "artistic" flare and those friends who truly value you for being you, will stand by you always.
ReplyDeleteHoly smokes, you guys really "get" me. Thank you for this.
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